A school project prompted Thi to interview her parents on their history. So she decides to make a memoir about it. They rarely spoke about their life before America. And Thi didn’t remember much about Vietnam. Her interest in reconnecting with her roots leads her into territory she never expected, and opens her eyes to a world she may never fully understand.

The discussion time was pushed back to a little later… After midnight for me… So needless to say, I didn’t attend! Instead I wanted to give my own thoughts on the book with some of Jenn’s questions.

How do you find a balance between preserving and respecting your ethnic background while also assimilating into Western culture?
My parents came to America with little more than their names. They had a few family members already established so it wasn’t difficult for them to move from India to California. As far as I know, they were Westernized before the move. Both of them grew up in Catholic households and had no roots in typical Indian traditions.

In this way, life felt normal. Of course we sometimes had strange foods in the house and the scent would last ages… But otherwise not much changed in terms of tradition.

How did your upbringing shape the way you think about money, your definition of success and the importance of mental health?
Oh boy, here we go. Both sides of my family felt that money was king. Study hard, become something in the medical field and climb the social ladder. If that was unobtainable, then you sat at the bottom of the chain. Sadly, that’s where my parents sat.

While their other siblings were more successful, and thus more “valuable,” my parents were cast into the shadows. They had high hopes that I would take up that torch. I could study well, I could make all the money… But as much as I love watching medical shows, the idea of dealing with sick people grossed me out. I was so afraid of germs I would keep money in tissues until I could wash it.

How did this book make you feel about your relationship with your parents?
To this day I still feel like I will never understand the hardships my parents had. How my dad left home at 18 to work on a cargo ship to send money home to his family. Or how my mother wore pants one day and her mother beat her until she couldn’t stand. The unfortunate truth is that I was also beaten in my youth. And in a way, that was our family tradition. I feel like I can stop this circle of abuse by not having children of my own. Of course I have more reasons for not having them, but this is one of my truths. Somewhere along the line, the circle of abuse should break, and I have the power to do that.

The Best We Could Do is an intense dive into a family from Vietnam. In Thi’s case, her family was able to escape death, poverty, famine, and the other horrors that go with war. She was lucky, her whole family was lucky. But this is her story, her heritage and one that is best explained by her. All things considered, it’s a beautiful book and a wonderful look into the story of an immigrant family.

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My favorite influencers have been plugging their recommendations and I’d like to take those and pass them on too. I urge you to locate local bookstores to buy these books. Since I live in The Netherlands, I can’t make any store recommendations but it doesn’t take more than a quick Google search to find small and locally owned store fronts.

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
This book is the one most pushed right now. It deals with discussions of white privilege to police brutality and discrimination. It also covers the Black Lives Matter movement, something I desperately need to catch up on. It’s not too old of a title so I hope it can clue me in to all the events I’ve missed since I moved to The Netherlands. I missed the Women’s March back in 2017. Now is the best time for voices to rise up against injustice and since I can’t rally with my friends and family, I’ll find other ways to fight.

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People by Robin DiAngelo to Talk About Racism
DiAngelo discusses why white people become defensive when challenged against their beliefs. It tackles issues the issues that drive them to toxic and racist behavior fueled by anger, fear, guilt, and why it’s so hard to turn those emotions off. She also dives into the development of this “white fragility” and how we can make choices to prevent it.

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
This book raises points and new ways of thinking on how we can build an anti-racist society. It’s not an overnight project and this book is for those who want to raise their level of awareness to stop racism in its tracks. This the first book on my list and it’s easy to digest. It’s like Kendi is a long time friend talking to the reader about his experiences and so far, I love it.

When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Asha Bandele and Patrisse Khan-Cullors
Khan-Cullors wrote about her experiences as a Black women living in America. She talks about racial profiling and police brutality against so many Black people. Instead of giving into what others thought of her, she rose up and used her voice to empower others likes her. Her words echo a powerful message, Black lives are not expendable.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
I remember this book on one of my high school reading lists but I never got around to it. As a rebel in high school, I did the bare minimum when it came to classwork. Now that I can read books for myself (and not a teacher) I have no excuses. Reading this one has been a long time coming and I can’t wait to get started. It’s the autobiography of Angelou and the struggles she faced after an older man attacked her in her childhood. It’s a book about her trials, tribulations and how after years of wandering, she was able to find love for herself and embrace the kindness of others.

A Song of Wraiths and Ruin
While I would love to put down another book that tackles race, I need myself allow myself a break. Black author Roseanne A. Brown shares a retelling of West African folklore in this highly anticipated title. So far it’s got fantastic reviews so I’m excited to jump into the Young Adult genre again!

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I don’t mind though. I love this location because it reminds me so much of my days working in a bookstore. There’s the smell of fresh books, the tucked away location, and the endless rows of unread titles. When I would read about far away bookstores, I would picture something like ABC. There are shelves from floor to ceiling. A winding staircase leads up to the 2nd floor and a super tiny one leads to the 3rd floor. Books on all topics occupy the shelves too. Art and fashion call the 1st floor home. Children books and all fictional books cover the 2nd floor. The 3rd floor lends the space to non-fictional titles.

The American Book Center covers all sorts of material too. I’ve found older publications and brand new titles for sale inside. There are also maps, travel books, calendars and other items one would expect in a bookstore. I’ve never been disappointed though. I think if you’re looking for a book, they’ll probably have it.

It’s so hard to take a photo inside because of the crowds and the layout of the store. Trust me though, this is one bookstore that every book lover should visit at least once. I’m excited to say we go every time we visit Amsterdam. Even if we don’t buy something I love the atmosphere of ABC. It’s homey and nostalgic for someone like me.

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The Animorphs
I finished this series before I even went into high school so it’s long overdue. For years this series was what I lived for. Every month we would go to the bookstore and I would come home with a new volume. I don’t want to say that Animorphs inspired me to write because I can’t remember so far back. It is, but, the oldest series that I own. The entire collection is packed in a box waiting for me to retrieve it (from California). I hope to do so sooner than later.

The Hunger Games
When I read this series, I’m pretty sure I read them a little too fast. I remember plowing through the first two in a week. When I got my hands on it I had finished it in two days. Those were the glorious days where I could go to bed at 9pm and read until 4am. I can’t do those hours anymore and it does sadden me. But this time around I can take my time and read into the deeper meanings behind this popular series.

Neil Gaiman’s books
The first book I read by him was a collaboration title he worked with Terry Pratchett on. The book was called Good Omens and is now getting a TV adaption. Since then I’ve read a small handful of his books. There are a few authors I have yet to pick up because I would want to take notes on the way they write. Gaiman is one of them. It’s for this reason that I tend to read his books both slowly and hungerily. His is the only book collection that I actively buy right now. We have little free space to keep books but I will snatch up his when I see them. They live in my closet at the moment.

The Night Circus
I loved this book so much when we had to read it for book club. A part of it inspires my wardrobe today. I do regret giving up my red scarf and I’m still searching for one to replace it. Either way the memory of this book had lasted with me for ages now. It’s time for a reread. She’s also got a new book coming soon!

The Warm Bodies Series
This is another series that I plowed through in my youth. Ah, those endless nights of reading. It’s been a long time and the final book has been published. Now is the best time to reread and refresh my knowledge of the universe. Even though it feel out of popularity, I still love the story behind it. The first book was the tip of the iceberg of the world and the people that live there.

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The series is about a fashion influencer by the name of Lottie Person, a bright girl with bright green hair. It’s her iconic trademark. It is, also unfortunately the color of her snot. See Lotte is all about herself, a me me me girl. One of her biggest gripes is having terrible allergies. Things start go to a little off the deep end with her when she’s prescribed some new medication.

Now she doesn’t gain any superpowers but she begins to meet people who influence her life in a very real way. This is a slice-of-life story that’s 9 volumes in. I’ll admit it’s a bit slow at times but the authors want to get real good and deep into what drives these characters. It’s difficult to do when most of the page is stunning art. With comics, taking it slow is usually the best option.

I’m two volumes behind on this series but I have them waiting on my desk. I have so many books to read right now that I’m a bit overwhelmed. So far I’m enjoying this title. Lotte is spoiled but I can see her personality in many influencers today. She’s wild and in charge on the outside but falling apart on the inside. It’s a fantastic window into the soul of someone who lives a double life. One personality for the public and one hidden away behind closed doors.

There are several plotlines and points of view included in the story so it’s exciting to see what each new volume brings.

I’m a huge fan of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s past works. When there’s an issue released with his cover art, I do my best to pick up that one. Someday I’ll bring the rest of my collection overseas but for now I have to make do with playing the waiting game. For both my book collection and the next issue of Snotgirl.

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Anyone else in that same boat? I’ve been there loads of times.  I love reading. My parents put on audiobooks for me when I was a baby. I spent most of my growing years reading instead of playing with friends. So why is it so hard to continue to read as an adult?

Life, my friends. Life becomes a circus where you juggle more than you did as a child. No more free time and homework. Now it’s work, kids, social obligations and don’t forget digital entertainment. In a world where we can up our entertainment bars (The Sims reference here!) with television or video games, it becomes a chore to read.

So I thought to myself, what would help me remember to read? It does suck to have to say, remember to read, but let’s be honest. We do have to remember to make time to read. Here are my ways of combating reading procrastination.

Set a challenge
I feel like the Goodreads challenge is a fantastic way of setting a solid goal for yourself. You can modify the list at any time so that if life prevents you from reading, you won’t feel unable to complete the challenge. Start small, maybe 5 books a year, and move on up from there! I have a very dear friend of mine who usually aims for 70 books! She’s a reading wizard! If you’d like to add me as a friend, you can visit my profile!

Surround yourself with books
I don’t have a beautiful bookshelf to showcase so I keep my books piled anywhere I can fit them. I have a ton on my desk as well. I’m always aware there are book around me that are begging to be read!

Read the classics
Do you remember growing up reading Alice in Wonderland or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Why not revisit them and relive your childhood.

Return to a favorite
Neil Gaiman is an author I love so much that I did not donate any of his books when I moved. That being said, I’m collecting the titles I don’t have in my posession. When I want a palate cleanser I will return to his books. I know that I’m guaranteed a masterpiece no matter which book I read for.

Look into something new
In my youth, I would never look at the nonfiction section of any book store. Now that I’m older and curious about this world (and not a fantasy one) I seek out more nonfiction titles to dive into. Reading something that I usually would not read is a good way to reboot the way you think about reading. Nonfiction grounds us in the here and now, while fiction carries us away to other worlds.

Listen to a friend
I was worried I would not find another book club to get involved in. While I’m still not a member of any reading community, I do have friends that are more than willing to share their collections with me. I’ve had several people offer me Harry Potter in Dutch but I’m not that far into the language yet. I got my own copy for my birthday and I’m excited to be able to read it someday!

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I was filled with regret and some days, I still am. I should have said more to him that Friday night. I should have hugged him and told him I loved him. I felt like I could never share what had happened with anyone… But I couldn’t figure out why. What I had not known, was that I had grown up with death avoidance. It’s a cultural understanding that we should not discuss death or anything related to it.

Which is why when Caitlin Doughty, author and YouTube hostess of the channel Ask a Mortician, came out with her second book, I was more than excited. Her newest title is From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death.

So what is the “Good Death,” you might ask. I had no idea so I did what anyone my age would do, I Googled it. What I discovered was The Order of the Good Death, an organization that seeks to help “prepare a death phobic culture for their inevitable mortality.”

My father’s death had been such a shock to my family that we went through the typical post-mortem steps in a week. My father had passed away on Sunday and by the following Saturday he was cremated. He had vanished so from our lives that I feel, even now, we are trying to deal with our grief.

From Here to Eternity touches on how other cultures treat death and how Western culture seems to fear it. It also discusses how we’re expected to keep our sorrow away from the light of day. One paragraph stuck with me when Doughty recalled the various locations she had been to observe how death was dealt with:

“There was magic to each of these places. There was grief, unimaginable grief. But in that grief there was no shame.”

While there is nothing wrong with fearing death, we treat it like it’s a taboo topic. The fact is, everyone dies and having a way to express that grief is something few of us know how to do.

From Here to Eternity also touches on how death is treated with so much formality that we forget we’re dealing with a loved one. I do agree on this, as my father was not even present at his memorial service. He was cremated that day so his remains were in another city. We didn’t have him present as family members spoke about him. In any case, I felt like he would have appreciated what had been said about him. His ashes were later sent out to sea, as the ocean was his first love.

It’s hard to pinpoint one story that touched my heart. The one that hit home the hardest was the chapter about Tokyo, Japan. Families would cremate the bodies of their loved ones and using chopsticks. They would pick out the larger bones that did not turn to ash. These larger bones were place in the urn. This tradition gives the family a meaningful task to complete for their loved one. This one last gesture of care.

“A sense of purpose helps the mourner grieve. Grieving helps the mourner begin to heal.”

From Here to Eternity brought to light many thoughts I had about death and filled me with relief. While Western culture treats death at a distance, there are strides being taken to return us to our roots of how we honored the dead. I know that it’s a difficult topic to think about but From Here to Eternity was a good read about how it’s ok to deal with death and grief.

“Sunlight is the best disinfectant, they say. No matter what it takes, the hard work begins for the West to haul our fear, shame, and grief surrounding death out into the disinfecting light of the sun.”

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How to Change a Life by Stacey Ballis
Three long lost high school friends reunite and decide to spice up their lives by shaking it up with a bucket list. This feels like one of those stories where you come out the other side either loving or hating yourself. The reasons don’t matter. To me, this looks like a feel good story and I want to jump in.

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera
Mateo and Rufus are strangers that share the same horrid news. They’re going to die on the same day. They find each other through an app called the Last Friend and decide to make the most of their final hours. This story features an everyday thing, an app, and mashes it with the worst thing possible… The last day of someone’s life. I’m interested to see where Silvera takes the story. He’s a new author to me and I’m excited to jump into his world.

Song of the Current by Sarah Tolcser
Caroline’s ancestors have always been guided by the river god but he has yet to call to her. So she decides to take matters into her own hands. Along the way, she finds herself in dangerous circumstances and alone without guidance. I enjoy stories where destiny calls and this looks like one of those. The summary on Goodreads has me interested so I hope it takes me on an adventure!

The Gold-Son by Carrie Anne Noble
Tommin wants to care for his grandmother and create beautiful shoes. But he is under a strong curse that drives him to steal more and more each day. Before he knows it, Leprechauns kidnap Tommin and he must fight to save his humanity. I was in love with The Mermaid’s Sister and have been dying to read another book by Nobel. My wish has finally been granted and I’m on the hunt for an English copy of this book.

Reincarnation Blues by Michael Poore
A man who has been reincarnated almost 10,000 times is searching for his one true love, the incarnation of Death. Look at that sentence, what’s not to love!? One of my favorite literary tropes is the use of reincarnation. This book is a mix of Neil Gaiman meets Kurt Vonnegut and I’m feeling the hype!

The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter by Theodora Goss
Mary Jekyll is broke after her parents’ deaths and is looking to turn in her father’s murderer for the bounty. Instead she finds the murderer’s daughter Diana Hyde. Working alongside Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, Mary hopes to crack the case. On the way she meets other unique women, Beatrice Rappaccini, Catherine Moreau, and Justine Frankenstein. This book is based on some literary horror and science fiction classics so I’m stoked to pick it up. I understand that many books that feature famous characters can end up flat, but I’m placing my faith in this one.

To sum it up, I want these stories to take me to unfamiliar places and I can’t wait until I can get my hands on them all. What books are you looking forward to reading this fall?

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